Calcanio Rosso Salento Primitivo Negroamaro NV - Virgin Wines

Now being rather a fan of top Italian wine, I was delighted to see that Sir Richard, with his legendary wine acumen, was launching a new flagship of Italian wine. I read the blurb. 'A wine that gives such Super Tuscans as the Tingnanello and Sassicaia a run for their money'

Great news. I could now forget Super-Tuscans, because now, instead of paying around £60 a bottle for such wines as Sassicaia and Tingnanello (sic - is that the Jamaican export version?) you can buy the new kid 'cult wine' on the block, Calciano for a mere £9.99. And it is the equal of the finest Italy has to offer.

Now for a wine apparently generating a cult following, I did think that maybe, just maybe, one of its cult followers might just have written something.... somewhere that Google might just find for me, hungry as I was for information on this new classic. Amazingly though, my attempts to research this bold, groundbreaking master of the new wine frontier were fruitless . 'Probably because it is so amazing, no-one wants to let the secret out' I thought quietly to myself. 'Shit! This must be the real deal!'

I waited with baited breath for Sir Richard to deliver the goods to my doorstep, and this evening, as if it were Xmas, a representative of Sir Richard did indeed drop off the goods on my doorstep ( in a special red and white box, just to remind me that when it comes to wine, Sir Richard is after all a kind of vinous Santa Claus...)

I grabbed the first bottle out of the case, looked at the authentic Tignanello typeface and thought to myself 'Fuck me, I thought this would be good, but now I see the label, this really must be the dogs knackers!'

Twisting off the screwtop and pouring myself a glass, I waited in anticipation of one of the finest vinous experiences of a lifetime. And....

'What is this shitty four quid plonk I am drinking' I suddenly raged.... 'What is this crappy oak? Where is my Super-Puglian top-notch groundbreaking cult wine? I didn't order this cheap supermarket piss! I am saving £54 a bottle on an Italian cult classic by getting in early on a relatively undiscovered gem before everyone else catches on!'

Anyway....Sir Richard, if you are reading, I can only assume there has been some mistake here. Perhaps the labels got put on some bottles of Don Darias by mistake? Please, please will you sort this out by sending me the real Super Puglian? And I will gladly pour this down the sink to save you the return postage...

Calcanio NV - 5/10 Virgin Wines £9.99 (£5.99 each if you buy the 'Super Puglian' case of 12. Poor value at £5.99. An utter rip-off at ten quid...)